Doctor Don't-little: Film Review

There are very few times, I imagine, when one agrees with a CGI dog with the voice of Tom Holland that gets about 6 minutes of screen time. But this appears to be one of those times as I reflect on the 2020 remake (?) of Doctor Dolittle which I had the pleasure of seeing with a friend who had to put up with me sighing in exasperation every time this film made a fruitless and painfully pathetic joke.

Before I start ripping this film to bits, I'd like to preface that I normally hate tearing apart and overtly negatively judging stories. I generally get this from my standpoint as an aspiring writer and reader, and I therefore acknowledge the level of imagination, love and passion that goes into creating worlds, stories and works of art. I would hate to attack a person's labour of love and hard work, even if it is not of conventionally considered great quality.

Films, however, I feel come from a slightly different standpoint. And this film definitely comes from something more removed from that way of thinking. I don't think this film is Stephen Gaghan's (director) passion project or culmination of his love for film and therefore feel a little less mean for ranting so profusely about this movie. I do still recommend that if you're not a lover of rant reviews, stop reading now.

I admit, I hadn't seen the original Rex Harrison or Eddie Murphy iterations of this character before going to see this, but I honestly don't think they have any correlation to each other and therefore did not feel compelled to watch them before hand. I knew the basic premise of the character - a slightly wacky doctor who can talk to animals - and that sounded absolutely fab as both an animal lover, storytelling and fan of Robert Downey Jr. I'd seen the trailer - also in cinema, prefacing the wonderful masterpiece that was Knives Out I believe - and it looked pretty epic and undeniably gorgeous.

I re-watched the trailer after seeing the film and now I only feel an aching, bitter disappointment.

The trailer is epic. It has a truly gripping cover of What a Wonderful World and shows of all the beautiful CGI and establishing shots this film offers and sets us up for what appears to be an epic journey worthy of its literary origins.

It also takes out 95% of the actual screenplay, which is probably why the trailer is so much better than the actual film itself.

It is with great annoyance (at both the film and at myself for thinking that I am intelligent enough to make this argument, but I'm going to do it anyway), that I tell you that at the very core of this film is simple bad writing.

The script was not compelling. It sets itself up for a fantabulous journey to the East then fails to deliver. And the main reason, I believe, is because the film tried to hard to be a "family-oriented kids film". It included all these dumb jokes and silly humour that failed to land as they didn't seem to serve any purpose to the plot or the current dialogue except that the screenwriters thought "Yes, this is what the kids these days will laugh at. Lets put in a joke about animal fathers abandoning them and pulling bagpipes out of bottoms.". I am not kidding. Those are actual gags in the movie. They lack wit. And the worst part about that is the fact that the film seemed to put too much effort into the lacklustre comedy that it forgot it still needed a compelling story to infuse that comedy with.

This is perfectly embodied in the quote-unquote "climax" of this film, which I already stated was centred around pulling bagpipes out of a dragon's stomach/backside. All inclusive too, with fart jokes and one-liners that don't hit home. I could probably get over this gag if it was somewhat climatic to a certain degree, but it wasn't. It just felt ridiculous, which is indicative of this movie's humour > story attitude.

The overall narrative just seemed to lack purpose and stakes to me, which I would argue are core values of a compelling tale as these are the things that engage a viewer and make them care about the story you are telling. Consequently, there was equally no emotional strength: I didn't care about any of the characters thoughts and feelings because you didn't sell them to me. And that was a big issue with this film particularly because they were clearly aiming for an emotional response with the background story of Dolittle's dead wife which I just didn't buy into because I was too busy being mad at the rest of the films lack of engagement. And I haven't even mentioned this film's so-called "antagonist".

I hated him. He was a prime reason I think why this story failed as hard as it did. He was pointless. He contributed nothing to the story and was a complete and utter caricature of the "villain". He was dumb and had petty motivations ("Oh that crackpot Dolittle was always better than me at school wah wah wwwah") which ultimately meant he just wasn't threatening at all. I never believed he could provide an actual threat to the main characters and their journey, and then the film tried to convince me that he actually succeeds in taking the book (one of the things the main characters were embarking on this "perilous journey" to obtain) from them and I just wanted to call utter BS.

Because the thing is that this type of story didn't need a physical antagonist. It was an adventure film - the stakes are already laid out in that premise. It's a journey that will have natural obstacles and forces fighting against them. A perfect example of what I mean by this can be seen in the recent 2019 film The Aeronauts, starring Felicity Jones and Eddie Redmayne. I had the greatest pleasure of seeing this film pre-local release at the BFI in London Southbank through my sixth form, and it was spectacular. The film appears to have been a little overlooked as I haven't seen much buzz about it, yet I'd still urge you to see it: it may not have a deep message but it most definitely had me on the edge of my seat. In that film, our two protagonists are also embarking on a perilous journey to break a world record for the highest altitude of a hot air balloon. A premise which in itself promises stakes: there is bad weather, changing climates, balloon malfunctions etc. The film didn't need an antagonistic character because the adventure already provided the obstacles that would prevent the characters from achieving their goal. I feel like Dolittle would have benefited so much if it had just taken out their pathetic excuse for an antagonist and focused more on the "perilous journey" aspect of this film because there was already so much there it could work with. And that's not even a film issue: that's just a basic storytelling issue. That concept applies itself to anything with a narrative which just emphasizes my frustration as to why did they feel the need to include this character.

The star power of this film also, regrettably, completely fails. If they weren't Mr Robert Downey Jr. himself, then I had no idea who they were unless I zoned in one the voices with intent of hearing a familiar voice. It took me a hot minute to realize that the dog, Jip, was in fact voiced by Tom Holland - a strange choice if you ask me as he seemed designed to be an old hound what with his glasses and intellect and, no offense to Holland, but his voice didn't really seem to match the presentation to me - and I didn't even realize Selena Gomez was in it until I re-watched the trailer again afterwards and saw her name. Either way both of those characters get about ten minutes screen time each, if that so if you're going for them specifically, I wouldn't bother.

There is - shockingly - one thing and arguably one thing only that I did like in this film. The animated opening scene.

That short, whimsical and effective opening animation was not only very charming in my opinion but also a great way to open up and provide character backstory in a film primarily targeted at younger audiences/families. It was sweet and stylistic and echoed with something that 9/10 works in children's stories: actually telling (or, even better, showing) a story. Mindblowing, I know. It was alos the only point in the film in which Polly's narration felt natural. The fact that she jarringly voice-over narrates again later in the film during the break-in scene (which is a mess all in itself) goes to show that not even the film thinks it can acurately show you a story, but needs to tell you it instead as if the visuals mean nothing.

It does make me wonder if this film might have been marginally better if the whole thing was cute, traditionally animated short and not the 1hr and 41 minutes of tomfoolery unfortunetly followed. At least then even children might have actually laughed.

Now these are all my thoughts as a collective on the movie and I didn't even go in with high hopes. I watched Mark Kermode's brief review on the film (as it appears on YouTube) and in it he highlights with great emphasize the strange and disconcerting Welsh accent Downey puts on for the whole performance. I was prepared for this. It ended up being the least of my concerns. I pretty much took no notice of it because everything else was so shockingly poorly executed that Robert's performance became almost buried. Poor soul, I think he tried his best.

Kermode also highlights many other surprising contexts about the film that has me only more sorrowful towards the Doctor Dolittle franchise that seems to have been destined to fail from the day someone picked up the written works and tried to infuse it into film. I highly recommend you watch the review for the painful production contexts which only make me pity the end result more.

If you watched the review you're probably wondering why I still went to see it. Well, if you read any of my Goodreads reviews and get to know me a little, you'll quickly realize that a bad review will never convince me not to engage in something. I seem to be plagued with the foolish belief that since everyone has different opinions of quality, every bad review is subjective and there is still potential for me to enjoy the plague that they are preaching against. It is this ideology that has lead me to read a Labyrinth-inspired YA romance about a character who never shuts up about her blandness and a Phantom of the Opera inspired retelling that reads more like a fanfiction on which I should not have paid £2.49 for it to live in my Kindle.

So if you try to tell me that all this distress is nothing if not my own fault, don't worry, I'm already completely aware.

I'm also aware that this is a film that to a certain extent is designed for kids. It's a family film. It wants to make children laugh. I, however, find this as no excuse for the poor exception of the script and "comedy" that we got. Especially nowadays when "children's" media is becoming more intellectual and important. In previous years, we've been blessed with some wonderful works of children's films that are simply perfect at their purpose: they have a great story, are funny and entertaining, and more often than not now, attempt to include underlying important themes that kids can learn and develop from without really realize that they're being educated. Perfect examples of this include movies such as Up (2009), Inside Out (2015) and Zootopia (2016), which are arguably more designed for younger audiences than Dolittle is. So, nowadays it is impossible to argue that target age is indicative of quality.

Therefore, I will not be excepting any constructive criticism on this review in terms of "Calm down, it's just a kids film", thank you.

In conclusion, I care too much.

I've decided that I simply have to read the original works of literature that bred this whimsical character that seems to be so beloved but is constantly betrayed in its portrayal. My family also owns the Rex Harrison 'Doctor Dolittle' so, while Kermode may view it as a flop, I'm keen to see if the oldie proves to be a goldie.

At the very least I'm hoping for a bronze in comparison to this train wreck.

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Update: I hated 1967 Doctor Dolittle. I don't know if it was just the time period or what but it made me more uncomfortable than when I watched the 1988 Hairspray (before John Travolta became Edna and married Christopher Walken).

If you want me to rant about that, leave a comment but be warned: my inner feminist might pop off

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Thank you very much for reading! I apologise if this is your first time reading one of my reviews and all I have to offer you is this bitter rant review; I promise I don't always seek to tear down attempted stories!

If you like reading reviews and don't mind a good book or two, I encourage you to also check out my Goodreads reviews! Some of those are a lot more light-hearted, but if you really want to hear me rant again then you can also find my reviews on those aforementioned books Wintersong (Labyrinth-inspired YA) and Roseblood (Published Phantom of the Opera fanfiction). Please also check out the rest of my blog, which doesn't just specilize in films, but stories of all kind!

Thanks again and happy escaping friend! x